Postpartum Anxiety & Perfectionism: What You Need to Know
If you’re a mom who’s used to striving for perfection, the postpartum period can feel like a whole new challenge. You’ve likely spent your life setting high expectations and working hard to meet them—but once that baby arrives, everything changes. Suddenly, those old ways of "doing it all" aren’t as effective in this messy, unpredictable season of motherhood.
Perfectionism often ramps up during postpartum, and the pressure we place on ourselves can amplify our anxiety, making it harder to feel confident as mothers. If you’re feeling overwhelmed by the weight of getting everything just right, know that you’re not alone—and there are ways to ease the pressure.
In this post, we’ll explore why perfectionism tends to increase in postpartum, how it impacts your mental health, and a few simple shifts that can help you find more balance.
Why Perfectionism Ramps Up During Motherhood
Perfectionism doesn’t just show up at work or in personal goals—it often extends into our roles as mothers. For high-achieving women, the transition into motherhood can trigger perfectionist tendencies even more. After all, motherhood is filled with uncertainties, and trying to control every aspect of it feels like a natural way to cope.
Some of the reasons perfectionism ramps up during postpartum include:
A Desire for Control in Uncertainty: Motherhood is unpredictable, and trying to control every detail of our baby’s care or our own recovery can give us a (false) sense of stability.
Societal Pressures and Social Media: We’re bombarded with images of “perfect” moms who seem to have it all together. This comparison often fuels the idea that we should be able to handle everything effortlessly.
High Standards for Parenting: If you’re used to excelling in your career or personal life, you might naturally extend those high standards to parenting, creating unrealistic expectations of yourself.
But here's the thing: Motherhood isn’t a test you need to pass or a project you need to perfect. It’s a journey, and it’s okay for it to be messy.
How Perfectionism Fuels Postpartum Anxiety
When we aim for perfection in motherhood, it often backfires, fueling feelings of anxiety and overwhelm. Here’s how it can happen:
Unrealistic Expectations: We set goals for ourselves (and our babies!) that are impossible to meet. Whether it’s having a perfectly clean house, bouncing back physically, or breastfeeding without any issues, the pressure to achieve these unrealistic ideals leads to constant stress.
Fear of Failure: Perfectionism often comes with a fear of not being good enough. When things don’t go as planned—whether it’s a difficult birth experience, trouble breastfeeding, or a baby who won’t sleep—it can feel like a personal failure.
Hyper-Vigilance: When perfectionism is in overdrive, we become hyper-aware of every potential misstep, constantly on edge and worried about making mistakes.
These perfectionist tendencies can fuel postpartum anxiety, making it harder to relax, bond with your baby, or find joy in the early months of motherhood. But the good news? You can shift your mindset and ease some of that pressure.
How to Catch Perfectionism Before It Spirals
Recognizing the signs of perfectionism is the first step toward managing it. Some common red flags include:
Setting impossible standards for yourself (e.g., “I should be able to handle everything without help.”)
All-or-nothing thinking, where anything less than perfect feels like failure.
Comparing yourself to others, especially other moms on social media.
Once you notice these patterns, you can start to challenge them.
Simple Shifts to Reduce the Pressure
Embrace Flexibility Over Perfection
Instead of aiming for "perfect," try aiming for flexible. This means letting go of rigid expectations and allowing for changes, mess-ups, and learning moments. Motherhood is full of surprises, and embracing flexibility allows you to adapt without feeling like a failure.Focus on Progress, Not Perfection
Remind yourself that motherhood is a learning curve. It’s not about getting everything right the first time, but about making progress and learning as you go. Celebrate the small wins, like figuring out what soothes your baby or how to get a moment of rest, and let the rest go.Set Realistic, Compassionate Goals
Instead of expecting yourself to do it all, focus on what’s realistic. Set manageable goals that account for the fact that you’re recovering from childbirth, adjusting to life with a newborn, and likely sleep-deprived. Give yourself the grace to take things one step at a time.Challenge Negative Thoughts
When you catch yourself spiraling into perfectionist thinking—like believing you’re a "bad mom" because something didn’t go as planned—pause and challenge those thoughts. Ask yourself, "Is this really true?" or "Would I say this to a friend in my situation?" Being kind to yourself goes a long way in reducing anxiety.Ask for Help
High-achievers often struggle with asking for help, but motherhood is not meant to be done alone. Whether it’s reaching out to a therapist (like me!), leaning on family, or hiring a postpartum doula, getting support allows you to breathe easier and reduce the pressure to do it all on your own.
Parting Thoughts
If you’ve been struggling with anxiety in postpartum, especially if you find yourself battling perfectionism, remember that it’s okay to ask for help and give yourself grace. This is a time to lean into flexibility, embrace the messy moments, and trust that you are enough, just as you are.
For more tips on how to manage postpartum anxiety and perfectionism, check out the resources in my free Thriving in Postpartum guide. And if you need additional support, don’t hesitate to reach out for a session—I’m here to help you find balance and confidence in this beautiful (but challenging!) season.
